Mar. 18, 2024
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Life Updates, Blog Updates, Site Updates
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Hi dogblog nation it's me Daisy your favorite neighborhood mutt.
In case you haven't noticed, I have noticed for you: Dogblog dot neocities is kind of shit right now and as of late. I'm not really putting out anything fun or cool or useful like at all =_=.
I think I'm just sort of blocked. Mentally, in general. I don't really know what to do with myself at this point in my life and then I don't know what to do with this quaint little personal website of mine because it is an extension of me.
Well, I mean, there's things that I want to do with it. I want to redo my about page, get some content up that's more involved in my online identity as a dog, get some furry shit up on this website, and make an expansive web-home for my wizardly shenanigans. But I don't know, every time I want to sit down and make some webpages or sit down and write some blog posts or even catch up on my muse entries, I just can't really bring myself to do anything.
This feeling also extends into other areas of my life. I can't make the art that I want to. I can't get through my school workload, ever. I can't talk to my friends the way I'm supposed to. Can't fall asleep until 4 o'clock in the morning. I can't really do much of anything but move my body around in the way that I have to in order to get by and function as a "person". And feel like shit because I'm failing in almost every way in which it is possible for me to fail. This semester, god, I keep calling it "my life-ruining semester" because it's going to tank my GPA so hard that I can't even get the merit scholarships to my own shitty home-state's universities.
I don't really know what's wrong with me. Some theories are that I'm depressed or repressed or maybe burnt out, but I think the real problem is that I'm lazy. I'm a lazy old mutt with passively suicidal tendencies and I'm tired of doing shit so I'm ruining everything for myself.
And even though I'm actively becoming worse all the time and I'm ruining my short canine life, I still have the audacity to look forward to things. Like camp. I did get hired to work this summer and I'm extremely excited about it, like a fucking fool. I tell myself "I just need to make it to the summer and I can be happy again" but why is the end goal me being happy? The END GOAL, truly, should be something like catching up to my fucking twin sister who is a perfect little 4.0 savant and an artistic prodigy and one thousand times more responsible and respectable than I am. And she is also a human.
I don't know where I'm going with this. But the life update is I can't do anything and I'm sorry dogblog sucks it's literally just because I fucking suck.
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Blog update is that I think I want my blog here to kind of be like this now. Talking about my life more generally and sometimes specifically and shit. Like the other day I posted that blog entry about my grandma (who! update! Is probably NOT dying she's a baller and she's doing pretty decently right now. Slay) which is like so personal but I felt such a strong sense of direction for the first time in a while that I had to sit down and type some words about something. I don't know, I've felt fucking blocked in the way of figuring out shit to write my blog about so I think for now at least I want to just write it about my life and the shit happening to me and the shit I'm doing and the shit around me.
I also want to develop a microblog because I do often find myself wanting to upload short little thoughts and snippits, with no explicit place to do so.
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And last but not least, my site update. I do really like how dogblog looks these days, I think it's cute and it expresses some aspects of my personality, but to be honest I feel stifled. Although I haven't begun its construction, I've created another personal site to update and build alongside dogblog for the purpose of expressing some very different aspects of myself and my personality.
Like, it's pretty obvious, my blog here and just generally my presence is very raw and real, you readers see me as I am in real life in real time. I don't filter myself here and I don't try to be or present anything I'm not.
But at times like these ... that's really no fun, is it?
So my second personal site ... it's going to be real in its own ways but just very different. I don't know how to really explain it until it's developed. There will be connections between the new place and dogblog, obviously, although I'm not planning to explicitly link the two sites or like ... outwardly say my new url.
Essentially I'm only telling you about it because some of my website building attention is going to be diverted from here on.
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So yeah. I don't know. I'm lazy and I'm fed up.
Bye for now see you later woof woof woff
